PC joke

[Animation]

Dear Tech Support:

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that
the new program began with unexpected child processing that took up a lot
of space and valuable resources.

In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors
all other system activities such as: Poker Night 10.3, Football 5.0 and Golf
7.5

I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my
favorite applications. I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but
the uninstall doesn't work on Wife 1.0. Please HELP!!

Thanks,

A Troubled User


---------- REPLY ----------


Dear Troubled User:

This is a very, very common problem that men complain about. Many people
upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is just a Utilities
and Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed
by its Creator to run EVERYTHING!!

It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 7.0.
It is impossible to uninstall or purge the program files from the system
once installed. You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is
designed to not allow this.

Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under Warnings - Alimony/Child Support. I recommend
that you keep Wife 1.0 and work on improving the situation. I also suggest
installing the background application "Yes Dear" to alleviate software augmentation.


The best course of action is to enter the command C:APOLOGIZE because ultimately
you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return
to normal anyway.

Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance! It
comes with several support programs, such as: Clean and Sweep 3.0, Cook 1.5
and Do Bills 4.2. However, be very careful how you use these programs; improper
use will cause the system to launch the program Nag Nag 9.5.

Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is
to purchase additional software. I recommend: Flowers 2.1, Hugs 4.3 and especially
Diamonds 5.0

WARNING!! DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Secretary with Short Skirt
3.3. This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible
damage to the operating system.

Best of luck,

Tech Support

[Michael Slowe]

"Animation" <forums@theiac.org.uk> wrote:

Dear Tech Support:

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that
the new program began with unexpected child processing that took up a lot
of space and valuable resources.

In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors
all other system activities such as: Poker Night 10.3, Football 5.0 and
Golf
7.5

I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run
my
favorite applications. I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0,
but
the uninstall doesn't work on Wife 1.0. Please HELP!!

Thanks,

A Troubled User


---------- REPLY ----------


Dear Troubled User:

This is a very, very common problem that men complain about. Many people
upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is just a Utilities
and Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed
by its Creator to run EVERYTHING!!

It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 7.0.
It is impossible to uninstall or purge the program files from the system
once installed. You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is
designed to not allow this.

Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under Warnings - Alimony/Child Support. I recommend
that you keep Wife 1.0 and work on improving the situation. I also suggest
installing the background application "Yes Dear" to alleviate software augmentation.


The best course of action is to enter the command C:APOLOGIZE because ultimately
you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return
to normal anyway.

Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance! It
comes with several support programs, such as: Clean and Sweep 3.0, Cook
1.5
and Do Bills 4.2. However, be very careful how you use these programs; improper
use will cause the system to launch the program Nag Nag 9.5.

Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is
to purchase additional software. I recommend: Flowers 2.1, Hugs 4.3 and
especially
Diamonds 5.0

WARNING!! DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Secretary with Short
Skirt
3.3. This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible
damage to the operating system.

Best of luck,

Tech Support

This is the best post I have ever seen on this site, well done.
I am even showing it to my non computer literate wife ( version 1.0)

[AnimatioN]

"Michael Slowe" <michael.slowe@btinternet.com> wrote:

"Animation" <forums@theiac.org.uk> wrote:

Dear Tech Support:
3.3. This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible
damage to the operating system.
Best of luck,
Tech Support


This is the best post I have ever seen on this site, well done.
I am even showing it to my non computer literate wife ( version 1.0)

At my age I have wife version 99!
At least she is a wife and not a partner!!
In my day, a partner was someone to be in business with and
a mistress was a mistress.
Albert....Ah, sweet mistressy of life (old song)

[Dave Watterson]

Friends tell me that marriage is coming back into fashion but for 28 and 30
year-olds rather than 18-20 years-olds as it was in my day.

Is there some film material here?

I cannot recall having seen an amateur film dealing with marriage (or partnership
in that sense) except as the basis for silly seaside-postcard comedy or a
pastiche murder-mystery. Can anyone recall a movie about relationships?

Dave

[Cinema For Thurso Group]

This is an interesting thread. It brings to mind a movie on the subject made
back in the late 1970s and released by Walt Disney in 1980. In the film the
programme you refer to as Wife 1.0 was called M.C.P which means Master Control
Programme. Much the same thing as the Wife 1.0 programme.
I recommend trying out a programme we have here in Scotland which can isolate
the Wife 1.0 programme and render it inoperative within 2 weeks. First off
you install a new locking code on the House 0.50% programme, then email the
MCP to confirm separation code: friends-&-family/wedding-gifts/marital-posessions/50%agreement.
Then delete the following programmes: JointAccounts100share, Personal-Insurances/joint.
With pension and personal insurance-singular, alternatively calculate the
programme value from point of marriage to separation and give gift or gifts
to 50% of that value to the Wife 1.0 programme. Wife 1.0 will automatically
accept the additional items because it tricks the programme into thinking
it's getting more out of Husband/victim-utility.
Once you have established these commands Wife 1.0 cannot access your mainframe
and you only have a quiet wait of 2 years minimum (5 max,) during which Wife
1.0 cannot receive software inputs of food, money or shared bed and is completely
isolated from your system/life.
Providing you stick to these programme commands the Wife 1.0 programme can
be fully deleted from your hard drive with no loss to your system. It renders
a complete system restore back to what you had under the earlier Girlfriend
software.
A word of warning however, Girlfriend programmes often carry viruses, the
most virelant of which can be "change/ditch boyfriends mates" or "spend boyfriends
money/use his car".

Cinema For Thurso- untroubled single man

[AnimatioN]

"Cinema For Thurso Group" <canuimagine@btopenworld.com> wrote:

This is an interesting thread. It brings to mind a movie on the subject
made
back in the late 1970s and released by Walt Disney in 1980. In the film
the
programme you refer to as Wife 1.0 was called M.C.P which means Master Control
Programme. Much the same thing as the Wife 1.0 programme.
I recommend trying out a programme we have here in Scotland which can isolate
the Wife 1.0 programme and render it inoperative within 2 weeks. First off
you install a new locking code on the House 0.50% programme, then email
the
MCP to confirm separation code: friends-&-family/wedding-gifts/marital-posessions/50%agreement.
Then delete the following programmes: JointAccounts100share, Personal-Insurances/joint.
With pension and personal insurance-singular, alternatively calculate the
programme value from point of marriage to separation and give gift or gifts
to 50% of that value to the Wife 1.0 programme. Wife 1.0 will automatically
accept the additional items because it tricks the programme into thinking
it's getting more out of Husband/victim-utility.
Once you have established these commands Wife 1.0 cannot access your mainframe
and you only have a quiet wait of 2 years minimum (5 max,) during which
Wife
1.0 cannot receive software inputs of food, money or shared bed and is completely
isolated from your system/life.
Providing you stick to these programme commands the Wife 1.0 programme
can
be fully deleted from your hard drive with no loss to your system. It renders
a complete system restore back to what you had under the earlier Girlfriend
software.
A word of warning however, Girlfriend programmes often carry viruses, the
most virelant of which can be "change/ditch boyfriends mates" or "spend
boyfriends
money/use his car".

Cinema For Thurso- untroubled single man

So THAT's why you have the time to write all this!
Albert....Very untroubled married man!

[Cinema For Thurso Group]

No, I just got bored and whilst my pc awaits a service I'm not about to do
anything else on it.
I'm off now to Orkney to plan my next CinemaScope movie with a clear concience.