opening scenes

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john ingham
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Location: Exmouth

opening scenes

Post by john ingham » Tue Jan 22, 2013 10:19 am

just put together the opening scenes to my short film The Dirty Floor... this is not the film..just the opening.. the story will show a day in the life of a family dealing and living with Alzheimers , it will not show the illness but the affects the illness causes to others
what do you think

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=640vEbMHJvY[/youtube]
Keep trying, for one day you will get it right

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TimStannard
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Re: opening scenes

Post by TimStannard » Tue Jan 22, 2013 11:16 am

It looked very good to me. It drew me in, made me want to find out more , which is exactly what an opening should do.

I wasn't sure about the rather sinister sound over the very beginning I appreciate that's your ident and not part of the film, but I wonder whether it detracts a little from the sensitive nature of the subject.

I'd also look at your titling.

The film title appears to me to have not enough space between the two lines.

In contrast there appears to be too much space between Writen (watch the spelling!), Produced and Directed by and your name.

Similarly the lines on the "starring" page appear too spaced out.

It is also common practice (though by no means universal) for the names of the people being credited (cast, crew) to be in capitals. Whether or not you choose to do this, they should certainly have emphasis in comparison to the character names or their role. The word "Starring" should not be bigger than the names of those that are!

Looking on more detail, I note that "Clare" is in a smaller font size. Maybe you simply haven't really addressed the credits yet and these are no more than placeholders.


Hope that helps
Tim
Proud to be an amateur film maker - I do it for the love of it

john ingham
Posts: 221
Joined: Tue May 22, 2012 6:29 am
Location: Exmouth

Re: opening scenes

Post by john ingham » Tue Jan 22, 2013 12:37 pm

yep..that all made sense and i hope, as i think, looks a lot better ..just uploading the new version...the sound in the beginning represents the Dark side to what really happens in the life of those outside yet in touching distance with alzheimers ... I have turned the db's down so its a little gentler than before.. i think that will make more sense when the film is finished


learning learning learning....... love it :lol:

thankyou Tim


Up Dated version

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eZv1SRWX6j4
Keep trying, for one day you will get it right

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TimStannard
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Location: Surrey

Re: opening scenes

Post by TimStannard » Tue Jan 22, 2013 4:18 pm

I think that definietly works better. I still think ou need to blow your own trumpet a bit more - JOHN INGHAM rather than John Ingham
Tim
Proud to be an amateur film maker - I do it for the love of it

john ingham
Posts: 221
Joined: Tue May 22, 2012 6:29 am
Location: Exmouth

Re: opening scenes

Post by john ingham » Tue Jan 22, 2013 4:57 pm

I'm shy :lol: :lol: :lol: point taken
Keep trying, for one day you will get it right

john ingham
Posts: 221
Joined: Tue May 22, 2012 6:29 am
Location: Exmouth

Re: opening scenes

Post by john ingham » Fri Jan 25, 2013 8:53 am

i have purchased some royalty free music


[John and others: click the youtube button near the top of the pane, paste between its start and end codes, the full YouTube url - then we will see the film here. - I've done it for you this time. - Dave]
Keep trying, for one day you will get it right

john ingham
Posts: 221
Joined: Tue May 22, 2012 6:29 am
Location: Exmouth

Re: opening scenes

Post by john ingham » Fri Jan 25, 2013 4:14 pm

:D found it :lol: cheers Dave
Keep trying, for one day you will get it right

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TimStannard
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Location: Surrey

Re: opening scenes

Post by TimStannard » Fri Jan 25, 2013 5:26 pm

Nice music. There's a certain amount of tension in it (which makes us want to watch) and sensitivity as well - presumably appropriate for the subject matter.
Choosing music is something I spend hours and hours on and am rarely happy with. This really bugs me as I like to think I know a little bit about music.
Tim
Proud to be an amateur film maker - I do it for the love of it

john ingham
Posts: 221
Joined: Tue May 22, 2012 6:29 am
Location: Exmouth

Re: opening scenes

Post by john ingham » Fri Jan 25, 2013 6:52 pm

that is one of my bug bears Tim..like you i use to play in a group...when you have so many pieces of music floating around in the old memory box it becomes hard .... i found a guy on incompetech google it,,,its worth a visit...who does free music if you list him in the credits or you can buy it, i bought it but will still list him....
Keep trying, for one day you will get it right

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TimStannard
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Joined: Fri Feb 11, 2011 5:20 pm
Location: Surrey

Re: opening scenes

Post by TimStannard » Fri Jan 25, 2013 7:00 pm

john ingham wrote: i found a guy on incompetech google it,.
I've probably use Kevin's music on half the films I've made!
Tim
Proud to be an amateur film maker - I do it for the love of it

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